If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
