I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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