I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
