Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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