fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize