i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
