he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
