I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
