i permit you to call me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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