I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
