did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
