**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
