How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
