Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
