worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
