so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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