i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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