The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Boobs are out for the taking
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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