Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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