apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
