You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
