Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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