I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
