There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
