I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
