the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
