Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
