it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Watching her eat just hurts me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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