Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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