Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What drink are we having for lunch?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
