i already hear my dad disowning me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
