i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
