I'm so fucking centered right now
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
