If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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