Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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