hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
