Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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