Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
