Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
