he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
