No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
