He felt like a one man threesome
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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