Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
