theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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