Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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