Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
