You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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