and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
