You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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