He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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