oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
