you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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