Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
