That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
