Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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