It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
