That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
