genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
