The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
