We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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