so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
