Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
