I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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