home. puking in laundry basket.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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