well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize