If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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