Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
