For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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