"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
