I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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