but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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