I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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