You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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