ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I deserve this hangover.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
