you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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