1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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