I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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