When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
