I am spending my child support on dildos
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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