matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize