Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
