My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
