He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
