I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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