Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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