In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
